I had a good but kinda strange day, and now I feel even more conflicted than before, if that were even possible. M’s gf, B, is trying SO hard to be my friend, it’s kind of sad. Sad because I’m holding her at arms length for my own good, and perhaps her own good as well, but she just keeps being nice and chatty and friendly and I wanna just run away from her. I hate that M’s a package deal with her. I hate that I’ve only had 5 minutes alone with him this entire week! FIVE MINUTES. The rest of the 8 hours a day I see him, she’s glued to him like white on rice. I know there’s got to be a plan on her part, I’m not dumb, but at the same time she seem to genuinely want to be my friend and it’s annoying. She irritates me and I can only take her so much before I need a break.

But today she was calm and her voice wasn’t grating on my nerves and she was actually funny and I hate to admit I had a good time hanging with her. It was just her, M, and our other friend Dan. We had a meeting with someone for school and it ran late so we missed our first class so we decided to go for a pint at noon (lol). We lay on B’s couch for 3 hours, slightly buzzed and silly and it was nice. M was quiet but every now and then he’d throw a verbal jab out at me and I’d fire something (not very witty) back and we’d grin at each other and laugh it off.

I keep thinking that this crush or whatever will just fade the more I see him and his gf together. It’s like they’re trying harder to work out their shit and I’m just in the way, but he doesn’t seem to be pushing me away. I don’t know… I know this is a bad situation and I’m sure I should be told off for being a bad person, but I can’t stop. The worst part is I don’t want to stop. I just wanna keep pushing the limit, testing to see if something will break and I’ll be there to help pick up the pieces. 

1. youngloudandcaitlin liked this
2. attract-your-dreams said: awww BB im sorry! yeah those two seem almost like a match made in heaven because they are both equally sending so many mixed signals i dont even know what to think anymore lol
3. i-like-blue-boxes liked this
4. dead-end-street posted this